Lylah’s fits have been getting drastically worse.. my mom, whom lives with me, has been not too much help.. this leaves me greatly troubled and stressed out.. and then Kayleigh has these medical issues which causes the school nurse to call you on a daily basis and you are now on a first name basis with everyone in your child’s doctor’s office..
See, I know I am overwhelmed and stressed because things that should not at all be an issue, make me wanna crawl in a whole and die and over react about everything. Are things in my life pretty crappy? No doubt, but yesterday… Yesterday I hit my breaking point..
I woke up yesterday at 6am like I always do, and I woke up with very low spirits.. Lylah had a fit from 1:30am-2:15ish.. so I am already tired.. we have breakfast and I am looking forward to a day of doing nothing but cleaning carpets because everything else is done, I have no work, and I deserve a damn break.. well.. then I notice Kayleigh has bumps on her wrist and thumb and elbow again (rewind: a few weeks ago Kayleigh had spent a weekend at her BFF’s house, came home with bug bites that spread, which I thought was poison Ivy, which turned out to be scabies *insert loud banshee screaming here*.. I was livid, already stressed, this just made my life worse and turned me into a paranoid crazy lady.. so we treated it and it went away after two weeks of crazy washing and vacuuming everything.. back to present) so I notice these bumps on her thumb when she hands me the brush.. I then inspect her body and find them on her wrist and elbow and I am freaking out! Lylah is not having a fit on the floor because she wants to wear a dress and I am making her wear tights and she doesn’t want to because they “bother me”.. she is screaming and I am trying to get Kayleigh out the door to catch the bus.. we finally get outside (Lylah is still screaming) now we are outside watching the bus, neighbors and kids are staring but this has become such a regular thing they don’t question. Lylah is butt bumping the screen door which then gets jammed.. I cannot open it.. I am locked out of my house with Banshee screaming Lylah in my jammies and my hair all a mess. Lylah then tries hitting me and telling me this is all my fault. I walked away. Luckily one of my neighbors has a son and she went thru this with him. So she went and took Lylah to her house because I was bawling and cursing out the maint. dept. on the phone at this point. We get inside, I get Lylah off to school, and once both kids are gone I sat down and turned on Sons of Anarchy and tried to relax.. which turned into me crying for an hour and being pretty fed up with this life that I got “stuck with”. I felt pretty sorry for myself, I won’t lie. Then, the school nurse calls (it was 9:32am to be exact) about Kayleigh’s itchy bumps.. Yes, lady I am aware they are there, yes, I was going to call the doctor, I was just trying to have a me-moment. I get off the phone.. deleted facebook (not sure why but I think this may help), took a hot shower and cried and cried and cried and cried some more. Called the Dr made an appointment for Kay. Laid in bed til it was time to get her.
The verdict: This doctor does not think it is scabies, even though they are in the same spots and look similar, this doctor thinks they are just hives. Prescribes prednisone and if not better in a week she will have to have her skin biopsied o_0 Ok. Cool. Took her back to school and relaxed til the kids came home. Once they were home, while I was cooking dinner.. Lylah had ANOTHER fit. Another one.. that is THREE in 24 hours. This one she continuously hit me and she bit me!
Needless to say, I have hit my breaking point. I have been over my head with everything and feeling more than just stressed out. I have been feeling as though I cannot do this by myself anymore! So I deleted facebook in hopes that I can create a simple, less stimulating life for myself and my children so I can focus on the roots of the problems and fix them.
I got an e-mail today, I was accepted into a small review panel to read a book and give my reviews and point out quotes I thought were good and helpful. The name of the book is “Say Goodbye to Survival Mode” it is about a mother who found herself overwhelmed and what she did to make changes and make things better. I don’t think this could have possibly come at a better time. I am only on chapter one and I cannot wait to read more!
undyinglovee 