It’s been a while….

I haven’t written here in for so long, but I think I should. It is a great place to get all my thoughts out, without feeling like I burden my friends. The girls and I had an amazing summer, I was so thankful for all the help I had getting them to not one, not two but THREE summer camps this year. They had an amazing time, and actually did better than I had anticipated, to be honest. They made new friends, tried new things (mostly Lylah did), and made memories. We ended the summer with one last hoorah! We went on a 4 day vaycay to Atlantic City, NJ. We stayed in a beautiful hotel, went to an indoor water park, hung out by the pool, went to the boardwalk and played games and went on the rides, then the last day we went to the zoo and on a dolphin boat tour- both were AMAZING!

The girls and I are all in a really great place. Both girls have started therapy to take care of their individual needs, and started medications to help with their anxiety. So far I am feeling very optimistic, the girls really love their therapists, and I think the therapists have the perfect personalities to match with each of them, it is pretty awesome. Kayleigh started middle school, and is so excited about it. She is actually doing homework and studying without me even needing to ask her. The girl who wouldn’t get up for school in previous years, now has to wake up and catch the bus and hour and a half earlier and has been having no issue doing it! She’s really growing up on me 😦 Lylah is now in 3rd grade and is loving her teachers, she has a really great group of teachers this year. I am excited to see how she does!

 

I guess that is enough for today.. until next time ❤

Tired…

Today is a no good back day.  Today is a no good mental day. And I don’t really have anyone to complain to, so I will write here. I survived lots in my life.. Some pretty crappy things happened to me when I was a kid.. I was forced to grow up, was never really given time to grieve about it. Which I think is so strange, I was a child, children often times cry for no reason. Yet, I didn’t have the option. Maybe I didn’t feel like I had that option. Went thru some pretty outrageous relationships. Some tears, but for the most part I had to be strong. I had children to care for. I have survived some shitty “friendships” and continue to deal with some pretty shitty people. And I just put a smile on and keep on going. My living situation is stressful and not ideal. But I manage. I survived back surgery. People kept telling me how much they would be there for me. They always say you find out who your true friends are when you have children, scree that. Now I would not recommend having surgery, but that is when I realized just how alone I was. I had a couple people reach out when they could, I appreciate that. But I had to go back to work earlier than the Dr wanted, help around the house was almost non-existent, people were going to help with meals… My kids had eggs and cereal and pop tarts, a lot. I may have mentioned this in previous posts. But in my complex.. Out of all of the girls social associates, can’t really call them friends because they suck too, 90% of the households have TWO parents. Mhmm. Two. My household? Has ONE parent, which is me. But still all the kids end up at my house. Some of the other parents say it’s too much for them. Umm excuse me? I work full-time, care for my kids as the household and have your brats 80% of the time and you wanna talk to me about stressful? Pssssha. I am writing this because #1 I feel like I really don’t have anyone I can talk to #2 I am sick of everyone relying on me, where the f*ck are you when I need you??? #3 I am really sick and tired of being a doormat. For real. And lastly. The neighbors I can’t stand across the street, they are MOVING!!! Would you like to come to the party? The one I am throwing after they leave? That will eliminate 3 children who are ALWAYS in my home. Like how I watched their one kid from the time they got off the bus til 9pm last night, fed her and everything (oh that is a funny story) for FREE. ha. These people. I get it. We are all poor. Toss me a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, toss me $10, offer to watch my kids for an evening… Something, anything.. Especially since I ALWAYS have your kids. They make a mess and you scream they need to be home and don’t give them a chance to clean up. I’m just so tired of it all, which also means I am too tired to deal with ppl treating me like garbage.. Just stoppppppp. All of it!!!

The End.

Sweet words & Sickness…what a combo

I will first start of by saying that I would love it if my children can become healthy again and STAY that way.. last Saturday Kayleigh was treated for strep, Sunday I noticed Lylah had poison ivy, Tuesday Lylah was treated for an ear infection and Kayleigh started getting bumps on her (which I first thought was poison ivy) but then… I wasn’t so sure.. so I posted a pick on FB yesterday and my friend said the same thing happened to her son and it was from the amoxicillin and then I remembered, “you know the last time kay had strep and was treated with same meds, she broke out in a rash everywhere” so.. I am concerned that she is allergic to amoxicillin.. the Dr at Urgent care told me it is poison ivy… I have had poison ivy in my life so many times I am a pro.. this is not poison ivy.. so they put her on steroids to clear it up.. I think it is a little harsh, but what do I know, obviously I am no doctor!

The girls and I have some exciting things coming up here soon.. tomorrow, Jon will be out for his weekly visit (I can’t wait to see him) then Tues & Wed, the girls and I will be leaving the state and headed over to NJ for some relaxing time away with friends.. Tuesday night we will be sleeping on Jenni’s house boat! I already know I love it, the girls are so excited and I am excited to do something new with them! ❤

So…. sweet words… whew… I was challenged to a thing on FB to write 3 things I an thankful for for 7 days… so day one, 1. my children 2. my job and 3. Jon. In response I got:

Which I was TOTALLY not expecting… and it made me cry… I have NEVER felt this way about anyone before, I have never been treated so well.. and it just opened my eyes to what CRAP I have been putting up with for years… I think my prince charming finally found his map and found his way to me.. and I don’t want this feeling to ever go away ❤

Zoo, UrgentCare, Water fun, Updates, Butterflies..

Saturday morning Kayleigh came to me.. “Mommy, my throat hurts when I do this” *opens mouth wide* ummmm.. so I look in her mouth with a flashlight, and sure as shit.. her tonsils are almost touching and her lympnodes are swollen in her neck. Off to Urgent Care we go…

And what do you know, the Mommy was right, Kayleigh has strep throat.. so I proceeded to text all the neighborhood mommies and give them a heads up to keep an eye on their little ones, because we have been having lots of people over plus sleepovers and I would feel really bad if they got it..

Everyone knows what the day after Saturday is…. SUNDAY… Sunday has pretty much officially became the day that Jon will come visit.. this Sunday I requested off work so we could actually spend the day together.. so we drove down to Delaware and took the girls to the Zoo.. right by the parking lot was this stream/river/creek whatever you would like to call it.. and I am a “cool mom” apparently because I let them take their shoes off and go play

Kayleigh

Kayleigh & Lylah on the rocks

This has to be one of my favorite pictures from the trip… This is Jon helping Lylah climb on the rocks. 🙂

After the zoo and having our lunch (which was mostly the girls feeding the geese who were swarming us) We drove to a creamery farm and got some homemade delicious amazing yummy ice cream..

The girls now officially know he is my boyfriend.. I wanted them to get a couple visits in with him and see how they did with him first.. then I asked if it is okay he is my boyfriend.. Lylah didn’t hesitate and she just smiled and nodded and said “Yea.. I like him” Kayleigh on the other hand because she is older, she apparently notices stuff more than I think she does.. she immediately answered “I thought Kenny was your boyfriend”… umm sweetheart, Kenny and I broke up 2 1/2 months ago.. lol This man is amazing, he is great with my kids, he treats me the way I should be treated, gives me butterflies just by the things he says.. sigh.. I am happy.. truly happy.

Til next time.

Sleepovers, popcorn, Herr’s Factory

So one of our neighbors across the way, happened to be one of my very first friends when I migrated to PA 5 years ago. Sadly, there have been unfortunate events that have taken place that is forcing her and her four children to move. I have been helping with the packing and trying to help with the kids as much as I can while she gets ready for this transition. Their last night here is Saturday, and as sad as I am that this is happening, I know it is something that needs to happen and we will still keep in touch. So… because they are moving away the girls had their last sleepover.

Lylah, Maddison, Kayleigh, Meredith watching Monster high and eating popcorn.

They stayed up so late when I came downstairs at 8:15, they were still sleeping!

After I got the kiddos fed and they played for a bit we walked them home and then the girls and I got ready to head to the Herr’s Potato Chip Factory with some friends.. we had a great time!


The kids had a blast!! It was interesting and fun to see how all the potato chips are made and bagged and boxed.. even how they add the seasoning! We even got to try warm chips right out of the oven, so yummy!

Kids. Kids. More kids. Kids everywhere. Oh and I have a boyfriend.

Life has been too hectic to even write about it, by the time I get the girls to bed I don’t even want to move and 70% of the time I pass out on the couch and have to migrate up to bed later. If we aren’t at the pool…

(my girls are learning how to swim this summer.. Kayleigh has full on graduated to swimming without swimmies and you can’t keep her from jumping into the pool- this is a photo of her jumping into 6ft-I am so incredibly proud of her!)

or having fun at Dutch Wonderland….

then we are outside/having a million kids in our house…

The girls have also had sleepovers 0_o Its just been busy busy

Sunday, Jon came to visit again! And I put him up for the ultimate test.. all the neighborhood kids wanted to come over.. so I had 7 kids in my house, made dinner, fed them all, and they all just ran around like banshees. We also played outside too, and Jon was cool with it all. He played with them and didn’t seem stressed out by the situation, which was good to see because I always have kids in my house. I am apparently the “cool mom” in the neighborhood. lol. After I got the kids to bed Jon and I cuddled up on the couch and watched a couple episodes of 24. (great show I am obsessed with catching up on) When it was time for him to leave he said “I hate to be all high school, but would you be my girlfriend?” well but of course! He said he didn’t know if it was too soon. Under normal circumstances, yes it would be, but seeing as him and I have known each other for 8 years… so I don’t think it is too soon. And I know… take it slow.. and the distance is kinda going to make us take it slow. It’s a hour and 38 minute drive that separates us! So needless to say I am HAPPY.. very happy 🙂 Stay tuned for my next post… He is coming again next Sunday and we are driving to Wilmington, DE to take the kids to the Zoo and then we are surprising Kayleigh and taking her to DC cupcake (she has been watching the show on Netflix and wants to go SO BAD and wants to meet the sisters that run it, I am really hoping they are there so she can)

Beginning, End, Middle

I am really horrible at keeping up with my online journal and even the one I keep hidden in my closet. I always mean to write, really want to write, then I get too tired or just something comes up.

Kenny- Things with Kenny did not pan out… at all. I liked the idea of him, but him and I just do not work well at all. Him and I have had our fair shares or scars over the years from relationships that failed. For one, he still is not over his failed marriage, which ended SIX years ago.. that in itself should have been a red flag. But the one thing that bothered me more than anything was the lack of communication.. I was the one that initiated most conversations, I was the one that made plans for us to hang out, I was the one that shared my feelings (and sometimes he would share he felt the same way).. I just was not happy. I dont expect to talk to someone 24/7 but there needs to be some kind of communication in place. So, ironically he ended it with me, May 6th. We tried to remain friends, still did things with our kids because our kids became friends and what not, but he broke plans with me twice since then, and I just cant do it anymore.. we stay friends on FB and we text every once in a while, but I am done putting forth any effort.

SO… school is officially out (their last day was June 6th) we’ve been to Dutch Wonderland twice, and to the pool in our complex just living it up.. they actually just got home Sunday from a 10-day stay in New Jersey at their grandma’s. They had fun and I had some peace and quiet and I was even able to make a trip out to NJ myself on Thursday. I drove to North Jersey to see Keri and her kiddos (she just had twins-ironically the day Kenny broke up with me lol) I loved spending time with her, because we don’t get to do it nearly as often as I would like to. She just asked me two days ago to be the twins God Mother. I am sooooooooooooooooo excited, I cannot even begin to put it into words. I feel honored! Even my friends whom I consider sisters never considered me for role of God Mommy in their kids lives, but Keri and I trust each other that much that she wants it to be me 🙂

The second half of my NJ trip I spent it down the shore… My “little sister” Jenni just bought a houseboat with her boyfriend and she invited me down (and a fantabulous guy I am talking to-I will get to him in a minute) omg.. talk about beautiful! Being right on the water, soaking up the sun, watching the sun set and sun rise! I slept there and got to wake up to that view.. whew.. amazing. SO Jon is the guys name, Jenni was so cute, when he arrived she set us up on the roof of her boat with some drinks and she disappeared to give us time to catch up. I have known Jon for about 7 years.. and it has been about that long since we have seen each other too, but we always kept in touch on FB. Turns out the two of us had crushes on each other that we never voiced out loud to anyone lol So truth came out a couple weeks ago and we have been talking non-stop. It is refreshing to have someone who WANTS to talk to you all the time, wants to know everything about you and is interested… it is such a great feeling.. and he gets me! We are alike in so many ways and most of our thought processes are the same. It is just great, and the fact that we have been friends for so long makes it even better! So… we sat on top of Jenni’s houseboat and just talked for six hours *sigh* He is amazing. He will be coming out here Sunday to see me(and the girls) 6 more sleeps!

Girls came home yesterday! Couldn’t begin to tell you how HAPPY that made me, I feel complete once again. Today after work we are going to go to the pool 🙂 Happy days are here again!!! I am going to TRY my best to write more.. haha I say this all the time though.

*insert whatever title you find apropriate*

Tags

dating, dudes, grr, guys, relationships, whatever

I will begin to say, girls are great… we are over all the colds and tummy bugs that have been tossed our way and we are healthy and happy.. I officially signed Lylah up for Kindergarten and sat quietly in my car and cried for a little while.. she is my last baby, my last baby is starting big kid school.. so sad. That being said….

Life continues to boggle me, people irk me even more. Things with K sometimes seem so wonderful and fantastic and then other times I am wondering if he even likes me or wtf is going on. I am not sure if I mentioned, he wants to take things slow.. which is good and how it should be.. but when I am the one who keep initiating plans to see each other and I feel like I am the one keeping conversations going and I am basically feeling like this annoying gnat that keeps coming at you.. there is nothing romantic or cute or wonderful about that. It leaves me with all these mixed emotions and I am driving myself crazy.. So Friday morning (since I didn’t know when I would see him again and I needed to get the stuff off my chest while it was sitting there) I wrote him a LONG FB msg all about how I feel.. how I feel like I am throwing myself at him and I don’t feel wanted or like he even cares if we talk or not. I also told him I enjoy spending time with him and I am here for him and all but I just need one thing… to feel wanted. He responded with “I am trying to figure out the best response to all of that”.. I left it alone.. we briefly spoke then he went to take a nap and woke up the next morning.. we talked a bit yesterday.. just BS back and forth.. then finally at 4:30pm yesterday (Saturday) afternoon I asked him the dreaded question of whether or not he had any input on what I had said the day before (in hopes that we can talk about it) well.. here we are 8:12am on Sunday and I still have not had a reply.. which really got to me when I woke at 4am and looked at my phone.. there was no goodnight text even and there is always a goodnight text.. so I am guessing and assuming that gives me my answer right there. Which is shitty.. I really like him.. my kids really like him.. his kids like me.. out families like each other.. why do I get myself in these positions?

Which brings me back to the mind boggling.. so.. 90% of the people tell me what a great catch I am, how any man would be lucky to have me.. and I know they aren’t just blowing smoke up my ass, they actually sincerely mean it, to the point that I do too. A friend of mine told me her married male friend said to her “If she was my type, Jenn would be someone that deserves to be with someone like me” he is a hard working man.. so many, so many people comment on what a great person I am.. and really.. who wouldn’t want to be with me? I don’t deal with bullshit, I am a full-time mother who loves her kids more than she loves herself, I work full time I am going to school trying to better myself, I cook home cooked meals EVERYDAY, I keep a clean house, I am loyal, I am honest.. like SHIT I would wanna date me.. yet.. I start talking to these guys who think I am all that and then all of a sudden they aren’t interested.. what is wrong with me? Seriously.. why am I still in this great big sea looking for my fish? I mean even when I don’t look I don’t have anyone coming my way.. the whole thing is ridiculous.. I do not want to be alone forever like my mother.. I want a mate.. I want a happily ever after.. I want to be happy.. Blargh. I am gonna stop before I cry..

 

So this is why I haven’t written in forever.. because most of my writings wold be me whining about something. Sorry.

Hmm

So I haven’t written in forever because Lylah has not had any major happenings in our life that made me write, and then I thought about how silly that is. I started keeping a “paper journal” for all my personal life happenings not having to do with my kids, but that I realized how silly that is too.. why? Because halfway thru my entry my hand starts to hurt, I put it down and I never pick it up again. So, I will start writing more, it will be filled with everyday happenings with my children and my new found love life.

So the girls and I have been keeping busy lately, thanks to my new found love life, I have someone with kids who is willing to hang out with us. I will call him K, only because I am not sure if he wants to be known on here 😛 But I had briefly written about him in my last post; he has two boys 10 and 7 (Kay and Ly are 9 and 5) and they all get along GREAT fantastic couldn’t be happier about it, honestly. Well, since my last post (he only has his boys every other weekend-visitation) every weekend he has his boys we do something with them. First weekend Science factory and Friendly’s, second weekend they all came over to our house and we made our own pizzas and played video games and legos, and then last weekend we went to their house and had lunch and walked to the park (which still had a foot of snow covering the grass in every direction) and had a blast having snowball fights and falling into the snow. It was great.

Here is a picture of Kayleigh holding his youngest’s hand while they walk while his oldest is laughing about it. They get along amazing, did I mention that? 

K and I have had discussions about us, and we both agree we want to take things slow. We both have a habit of rushing into things and things ending quickly. SO things are a little different, because I am used to being attached at the hip to someone right away, but its an okay different. My only qualm is that he is quiet. For Valentine’s Day my mom gave us a Chili’s Gift Card so we could go out to dinner, so last night my mom watched the girls and we went to Chili’s. It was nice, we were there for about 3 hours, just talking. Then we went back to his house and hung out with his SIL and nephew til his brother got home and then we watched Thor (the new one) and played some video games til 2am. It was fun, we laughed and had a good time. Idk. I have a good feeling about this one. But I also have bad luck in the men department so I am not holding my breath, but I am hoping!

I am at work right now so tired, but it was worth it 🙂 Happy Sunday!

Outtings, Changes, but we are doing okay…

I will be the first to admit, I don’t do too much with the girls (don’t get me wrong we have gone to amusement parks and other places), not as often as I would like to. Why? Well for one, I am a single mom of two and affording it sometimes is an issue, but beyond that it is fear. Fear of not knowing how Lylah is going to react, fear that I am going to have to deal with a screaming flailing child and people will just stare at me like I am the world’s worst mother.. slowly, little by little, we have been doing more and with other people. We went to Christmas lights back in December with friends of ours (luckily they have a child like Lylah so they totally understood and did not look at me like I was an alien) towards the end Lylah started to have a little bit of trouble, and I think it was because she was cold and tired of walking, but we got thru it okay. In december and January we made it thru birthday parties and survived! Little by little I can see improvement, and it is all because now I know.. I know what I have to do, I see the slightest issue is going to take place and I steer her in a different direction. Getting dressed has become slightly easier (don’t get me wrong she still whines and complains that everything bothers her and she doesn’t want to wear it), but I have a method.. I have her jump up and down or do some jumping jacks and we follow that with a nice bear hug and off we are to finish getting dressed-we may need to do jumping and bear hugs multiple times but it is so much better than dealing with a red in the face screaming yelling jumping up and down abusing you Lylah, no? lol

So anyway… there are a few reasons I am still single #1 I just can’t find anyone I find worthy enough of even spending my time with (sounds mean and harsh, but let’s face it I am not getting any younger and my time is precious) #2 some of these “men” I have dated can’t seem to handle my children (for real, their loss).. Kayleigh has ADHD and can be alllll over the place and ask lots of questions and become so focused on something that it seems she is ignoring you to be a brat but she just really doesn’t hear you.. and then we have my Lylah.. o sweet Lylah. Have I mentioned Lylah still sleeps in bed with me? This can hinder having any intimate or serious relationships.. Have I mentioned Lylah doesn’t like change? This also means she doesn’t like new people added into the equation and she will do anything in her power to make sure you know that. Two guys Lylah has pushed out of our lives. Two. and don’t get me wrong I am not blaming my daughter, just stating she makes it a little more difficulty, and well if they couldn’t stick around then they are not worthy of our time!

So I am talking to this guy.. we talked over the summer a bit and then we didn’t, but now we are talking again and I really like him. He is sweet and caring and fun to be around… Saturday, we got our kids (he has two boys and I have two girls) together and took them to the Science factory. I was pleasantly surprised.. they all got along GREAT, they each built race cars out of k’nex and we raced them (Kayleigh won the first race and guy’s oldest won the second) Then guy suggested we go out for lunch to Friendly’s.. I was a little nervous because I wasn’t sure Lylah was going to be able to handle such an overload of activities.. she surprised me! She did great. No melts downs, we had a wonderful lunch, the kids played around and joked around like they have known each other for years. The girls like them, all three of them.. couldn’t stop talking about them. They were very happy when guy came over last night to hang out with us for a bit 🙂 his oldest is a lot like Kayleigh, so he understands her and didn’t mind her 1,000 questions or the all over the place. Refreshing. Is what this all is. Now let us hope if he witnesses one of Lylah’s meltdowns he still likes us 😛 I think he will.