*insert whatever title you find apropriate*

Tags

dating, dudes, grr, guys, relationships, whatever

I will begin to say, girls are great… we are over all the colds and tummy bugs that have been tossed our way and we are healthy and happy.. I officially signed Lylah up for Kindergarten and sat quietly in my car and cried for a little while.. she is my last baby, my last baby is starting big kid school.. so sad. That being said….

Life continues to boggle me, people irk me even more. Things with K sometimes seem so wonderful and fantastic and then other times I am wondering if he even likes me or wtf is going on. I am not sure if I mentioned, he wants to take things slow.. which is good and how it should be.. but when I am the one who keep initiating plans to see each other and I feel like I am the one keeping conversations going and I am basically feeling like this annoying gnat that keeps coming at you.. there is nothing romantic or cute or wonderful about that. It leaves me with all these mixed emotions and I am driving myself crazy.. So Friday morning (since I didn’t know when I would see him again and I needed to get the stuff off my chest while it was sitting there) I wrote him a LONG FB msg all about how I feel.. how I feel like I am throwing myself at him and I don’t feel wanted or like he even cares if we talk or not. I also told him I enjoy spending time with him and I am here for him and all but I just need one thing… to feel wanted. He responded with “I am trying to figure out the best response to all of that”.. I left it alone.. we briefly spoke then he went to take a nap and woke up the next morning.. we talked a bit yesterday.. just BS back and forth.. then finally at 4:30pm yesterday (Saturday) afternoon I asked him the dreaded question of whether or not he had any input on what I had said the day before (in hopes that we can talk about it) well.. here we are 8:12am on Sunday and I still have not had a reply.. which really got to me when I woke at 4am and looked at my phone.. there was no goodnight text even and there is always a goodnight text.. so I am guessing and assuming that gives me my answer right there. Which is shitty.. I really like him.. my kids really like him.. his kids like me.. out families like each other.. why do I get myself in these positions?

Which brings me back to the mind boggling.. so.. 90% of the people tell me what a great catch I am, how any man would be lucky to have me.. and I know they aren’t just blowing smoke up my ass, they actually sincerely mean it, to the point that I do too. A friend of mine told me her married male friend said to her “If she was my type, Jenn would be someone that deserves to be with someone like me” he is a hard working man.. so many, so many people comment on what a great person I am.. and really.. who wouldn’t want to be with me? I don’t deal with bullshit, I am a full-time mother who loves her kids more than she loves herself, I work full time I am going to school trying to better myself, I cook home cooked meals EVERYDAY, I keep a clean house, I am loyal, I am honest.. like SHIT I would wanna date me.. yet.. I start talking to these guys who think I am all that and then all of a sudden they aren’t interested.. what is wrong with me? Seriously.. why am I still in this great big sea looking for my fish? I mean even when I don’t look I don’t have anyone coming my way.. the whole thing is ridiculous.. I do not want to be alone forever like my mother.. I want a mate.. I want a happily ever after.. I want to be happy.. Blargh. I am gonna stop before I cry..

 

So this is why I haven’t written in forever.. because most of my writings wold be me whining about something. Sorry.

Hmm

So I haven’t written in forever because Lylah has not had any major happenings in our life that made me write, and then I thought about how silly that is. I started keeping a “paper journal” for all my personal life happenings not having to do with my kids, but that I realized how silly that is too.. why? Because halfway thru my entry my hand starts to hurt, I put it down and I never pick it up again. So, I will start writing more, it will be filled with everyday happenings with my children and my new found love life.

So the girls and I have been keeping busy lately, thanks to my new found love life, I have someone with kids who is willing to hang out with us. I will call him K, only because I am not sure if he wants to be known on here 😛 But I had briefly written about him in my last post; he has two boys 10 and 7 (Kay and Ly are 9 and 5) and they all get along GREAT fantastic couldn’t be happier about it, honestly. Well, since my last post (he only has his boys every other weekend-visitation) every weekend he has his boys we do something with them. First weekend Science factory and Friendly’s, second weekend they all came over to our house and we made our own pizzas and played video games and legos, and then last weekend we went to their house and had lunch and walked to the park (which still had a foot of snow covering the grass in every direction) and had a blast having snowball fights and falling into the snow. It was great.

Here is a picture of Kayleigh holding his youngest’s hand while they walk while his oldest is laughing about it. They get along amazing, did I mention that? 

K and I have had discussions about us, and we both agree we want to take things slow. We both have a habit of rushing into things and things ending quickly. SO things are a little different, because I am used to being attached at the hip to someone right away, but its an okay different. My only qualm is that he is quiet. For Valentine’s Day my mom gave us a Chili’s Gift Card so we could go out to dinner, so last night my mom watched the girls and we went to Chili’s. It was nice, we were there for about 3 hours, just talking. Then we went back to his house and hung out with his SIL and nephew til his brother got home and then we watched Thor (the new one) and played some video games til 2am. It was fun, we laughed and had a good time. Idk. I have a good feeling about this one. But I also have bad luck in the men department so I am not holding my breath, but I am hoping!

I am at work right now so tired, but it was worth it 🙂 Happy Sunday!